Thinking about the Very Last Time

 I don't know about you, but there are some days that I wish I didn't have to change a stinky diaper, or fix something that Hannah can't quite do for the seemingly zillionth time. To wish that they were a little older and self sufficient, if I'm being honest, sometimes I want that.

But, other times I don't, other times, I enjoy helping Piper fall asleep by nursing her and laying next to her in bed and looking at her beautiful, peaceful face as she sleeps and I suddenly want time to stop, so that I can enjoy these sweet moments.

Sometimes, I don't want Hannah to get any bigger, or to lose that little girl voice that she has, and I definitely don't want her to lose the way that her lips take such care to form words, flaring out from her mouth more than they need to, but it is so cute.

Other times, I don't want Lucy to get any bigger because she is already so grown up, now that I have sent her off to Kindergarten I realize that I miss those times when she was smaller. I wish that I had spent more time enjoying her when she was little and not wishing her to grow up a little more and be more independent.


So, for now, I'll remind my sometimes tired mommy self to enjoy Lucy learning to read and helping her with her homework. I'll teach Hannah how to learn to control her big emotions (which some are good, like how much she cares) and enjoy that she wears a princess dress 6 out of 7 days a week usually and that even when she's in pajamas she has a crown on her head. I'll try to enjoy the middle of the night wakeups with Piper, because I know she won't be little long and right now she is so dependent on me. And, oh.so.sweet.

It is ok sometimes to wish for the next stage, but I want to remember to enjoy and be content in the stage that I'm in. Because sending Lucy off to Kindergarten made me realize just how short those times are. It made me sad that I won't have as many of those times with Lucy anymore because she is in school all day.

Does that mean I succeed at this all the time, heck no. But, I'm glad that I am more aware.

I'm leaving you with a poem that talks about the last times, because it really struck me and I hope it hits you right in the feels too.

But first, some pictures, to remind me just how special my sweet girls are. Poem is below the pictures.

THE VERY LAST TIME

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms you will never be the same
You might long for the person you were before 
When you had freedom and time
And nothing in particular to worry about
You will know tiredness like you never knew it before
And days will run into days that are exactly the same
Full of feedings and burping
Nappy changes and crying
Whining and fighting
Naps or a lack of naps
It might seem like a never-ending cycle

But don’t forget….
There is a last time for everything
There will come a time when you will feed your baby for the very last time
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child
One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down 
And never pick them up that way again
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone
They will hold your hand to cross the road 
Then never reach for it again
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles
And it will be the last night you ever wake to this
One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus” and do all the actions
Then never sing them that song again
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate 
The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.

The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time 
Until there are no more times. And even then, it will take you a while to realise.

So while you are living in these times, remember there are only so many of them and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.
For one last time.
-Author Unknown